laupäev, oktoober 06, 2007

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Papa purjus. See vana teema, kuid täna oli eriti täis. Ma keeldusin wc´sse minemisel ta abist, sest täna oli võimalus, et lendame koos dšussiruumi maha. Ta isegi ei püsinud toolil istumagi. Oih,imet, kuid sain elus esimest korda texased jalast ja seeliku selga!

Üllatan iseendki ikka ja jälle!

Tähendab, saan kodus ise wc´s käia ja toimetada. Täna oli mul hommikul jalga pandud segavad texased. Riiete vahetamisega läks mul aega täpselt poolteist tundi.

Sain hakkama!

Papa oli vihane ja solvunud - KUID SORRY, ma ei tohi enda elu ohtu panna. Ja dšussiruumist vana mehe alt välja ronida oleks mul veelgi raskem, kui mitte päris võimatu - seega valin ikka ohutuma süsteemi hakkama saamiseks... Kõrvalolijad ei saa sellest kartusest aru, aga see ON ohuallikas mulle.

Meil oli lahing. Aga nii pea, kui jõuan alati küsimuseni, kes maksab kodus makse - on vaikus. Seni olen nii päh - päh - päh... Papal on naljakas mood mitu aastat, kui küsin, miks jood, siis käsib mul helistada 110 või hullumajja, et tema kaebab, milline tütar on, juua ei luba... Täna karjusin helista ise... Ei helistanud.
Saan aru, et purjus inimesega ei ole suurt peale hakata. Vahel viskab üle. Ta teab vägagi hästi, et ma ei tee nalja. Oleksin täna õlugi valamust alla lasknud, kui oleksin pudeli kätte saanud. Ei saanud. Papa istus ees.
Olin ilget tige küll.

Ta on nüüd üle kuu iga ööpäev purjus. Ta käib öösel wc´s ning enne ei lähe voodi tagasi, kui ei joo taas. (Suitsu teeb ka siis.) Mõni öösel nii 2 korda. On hea tervis! Või on see viimane sõltuvuse piir, kus tagasi teed enam ei ole... Ma ei taha nii mõelda, kuid... Augustis ta ju saanud eriti võtta, raha ju polnud. Nüüd joob siis tagant järele. Rikub tervist.
Issand jumal, miks küll...
Kardan, et ta jääb jalgade pärast varsti lausa voodi ja siis...

Aa jäin mõtlema, KUI mind oleks lubatud/sunnitud lapsena riietada endal, kas täna oleks riiete vahetamisprotseduur kiiremini läinud :)
Ja kust kohast olen pähe võtnud, et mingi asjaga ma nagunii toime tule... Kui tulen.
Kas mul on õpitud abitus? :)

66 kommentaari:

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Kunagi ju ei tea, kas abitus õpitud või tõeline. Sul täna ei jäänud ilmselt muud üle, pidid ise hakkama saama. Tore et said.
Su papast on kahju. Ilmselt on asi sealmaal, et kas lõplikult põhja või siis tuleb veel välja sellest. Ja Sina ei saa mitte midagi teha, vaat see on tõeline abitus. Eks püüa vastu pidada.

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:)

täna hommikul räägisin papaga, lugesin moraali... LOOTUSETU. Ta ei öelnud ainsatki sõna taas ja oli täpselt sellise näoga nagu ta ei kuuleks - mäletan sellist isa lapsest saadik juba, kui ema tahtis temaga kainema peaga rääkida...

Aa lootust sureb viimasena ju...

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siin ei olegi midagi teha.

paraku oli selline ka minu lapsepõlv.. õnneks jättis ema alkoholi olla, kui ma kodust 15-aastasena lahkusin. (imelik mõtelda, et ema oli siis pea minuvanune ehk 36. mida ta tundis või mõtles, pole me kunagi rääkinud.)

kasuisa suri aastal 2003, 51-aastasena. ma ei valanud mitte ainsatki pisarat tema matustel, tundsin vaid kergendust. ja ma ei ole veel midagi unustanud.

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:( MIX nad küll nii elavad tehes teistele haiged...

MEIE oleme TUBLID ja VAPRAD, et oleme ELANUD OMA ELU KÕIGE PAREMAL VIISIL :) kuigi õudsed mäletused ei unune vist eales...

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